A new Purpose...

Welcome to today. A day that will live for 24 hours then be forgotten faster than that that guy in that movie with um….crap…what’s his name?...damnit…anyway…Today is one of those ordinary days that make you go a little crazy because you wish something would happen. I can’t explain exactly what I mean but you get the gist I’m sure. You woke up, got in the shower, got in the car drove an hour to school and sat in class for an hour and 15 minutes after your “morning ritual” (for more information see earlier blog entitled “Holy Random Batman”). Now, here you are, waiting from 10:15 until 4:30 for your next class. How many times does this scenario happen to you?

It happens to me every Tuesday. There is nothing exciting about this day other than…BUSTER POINDEXTER! Oh damn that was killing me inside! His name is Buster Poindexter and he was in Mr. Nanny with Hulk Hogan…damn that was close…I was about 6 hours away from a massive aneurism…as I was saying…nothing exciting other than news from yesterday.

I will share since you asked. I was asked to tutor for a kid that got run over by a car and cannot get to school. THEN I was asked how much I would charge to be a private tutor, and THEN, when I got home, there was a message on the machine about participating in the John W. Rogers Middle School Student-Faculty basketball game. This is a game that I was not asked to participate in when I was a student, so clearly my game has improved.

I am not saying that I’m Lebron James, although I’m older and therefore could clearly kick his ass in a game of hoops. I am, however, saying that in order to bring this great gazelle of the hardwood to the ground these kids better bring some elephant rifles and tranquilizer darts. I’m going to rack up more points than the McClure clan racks up STD’s. I’m gonna put up points faster than Dick can turn his head to look inside a carriage. These kids will be begging for a substitution once I start raining down the long balls and stomping on faces as I charge to the hole. This game WILL be called…maybe due to slaughter rule, maybe because I’ve blocked too many shots down other players’ throats!...But it will be called. Every time a ball hits the ground from their dribble, I’m gonna get another steal and take in the length to embarrass them more than Mills after he saw his mother’s website. There will be no player safe from my fury. Kids will dive into the stands like lemmings when I bring the ball into their zone. There will be blood, screaming and plently of carnage…It will be a site.

I’m only sorry that these little midgets didn’t see it coming. Here I am a substitute getting the call to come and end there fantasies of squeaking out with a win. I don’t even care if I get the “take it easy on them” schpeal. I’m going to tear through this game like Vodka through an Irishman. There will be tears at the end of this game. Children mourning their loss of the game. Parents mourning their loss of their children. Teachers crying at the vision of the roundball spectacle that is Tim Fitzgibbon. It will be truly magnificent.

I have a new purpose...I shall write more on the debacle after it occurs...

Until the death-making has commenced….